Thinking of the Future

I have been thinking lately of what I want out of this: teaching…China…life? Before, I had a clear goal and a focus to work hard, recover my mojo and pay off a little debt.

I am going to refinance my student loans and pay them off gradually. So that is a burden that will be spread over time, making it seem less painful. I still hope to one day stick it to the Man (by which I mean the student loan cartel of the US “gummerment”).

Teaching has lately become a little less satisfying. I can see myself doing this for a few more years but what is the end game? I don’t think I am that great a teacher, despite what some of my students say. I usually just chalk that up to how bad their other teachers are in comparison. By the way, I am not fishing, so just don’t even try. I just want to find a path.

The love of my life, Beijing, has recently led me to be less enamored. The pollution, combined with an increasing distaste for cold weather, is making me think of warmer climes and cleaner air.

Christmas
This was the beautiful Christmas I woke up to
as taken from my building.

Everyone I meet says I should meet a girl and settle down. I have to say that my typical response of concrete denial has become a little more brittle in the past year. I sure doubt that this will fix any of my current woes, so maybe this not the answer. I think I just need to find my mojo, my path, and follow it.

I am going on vacation to Hong Kong from Jan 10th to 15th and maybe a later trip to Taiwan. I am hoping that this will lend me some clarity.

Reflection on Veteran’s Day

In China today, it is Singles Day, which is kind of like Black Friday. While I think about something to buy, I want to also reflect on Veteran’s Day in the US.

Cold November winds blow
through stone laid row on row.

Trees beginning to white with frost
over the graves of men twice lost.
Once to war’s shrill blades
and again when memory fades.

I wear a poppy blood red
thinking of our home’s poor dead
and send up a thankful cry
for those who in far fields lie.

Last line is a little weak, but still works. Special thanks today to my brother John and my father, who came back. So many did not. A prayer goes out to their families.

Miracles

It seems too often that miracles are cast away upon the evocation of science and logic. The Book of Mormon even mentions that in the last days this would enfold, stating that the learned men will say, “Behold , hearken ye unto my precept; if they shall say there is a miracle wrought by the hand of the Lord, believe it not; for this day he is not a God of miracles; he hath done his work.” [2 Nephi 28:6]

I was at church yesterday listening to a Primary program [this involves the young children giving testimony and singing songs of Christ]. One of the boys stood up and related a story about being on a plane. The plane struck some turbulence and people began panicking. The boy and his brother prayed for a miracle and he said that immediately afterwards the Lord provided a miracle by smoothing the journey.

My immediate thought on hearing this was “that is not a miracle.” The pilot, using skill and knowledge, corrected the plane’s path and smoothed out its journey. How cynical! I immediately castigated myself. To this boy, he felt the hand of the Lord. This is no doubt in part what the Lord meant when he told the people:

Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. [Matthew 18:3–4]

I sat there and then observed the miracles within this boy’s story. He was on a plane hurtling through the air. He had a skilled pilot who was in the right place and time. He humbly called on the Lord in faith and was answered. I then had another thought: how often had I overlooked the miracles of my life, writing them off as happenstance or luck or the skill of myself or others? I must admit that I rarely look for and even more rarely acknowledge the hand of the Lord in my life.

Do I want to live in a world without miracles? I think not.

The Joy of Zero Balance

I have struggled for years to pay off my credit card debt. My balance may not have been as high as some that I know, but for me it often seemed to carry the weight of the world. I racked up to my limit during the years of depression that seemed to encompass me after my mother passed away. I lived for years on it, especially when I did not have a job or was paid a low salary. In all, I have probably paid off something like $10,000 over the last five years.

In August, I was finally able to pay off the remainder of the debt. The joy that I feel about that cannot be adequately defined with my own poor grasp of emotional expression. I can only say that the words that came forth on seeing the below were sufficiently exuberant. To be sure, I still owe massive amounts of debt to the government for my student loans. To see at least one zero balance, however, gives me hope to finish that off as well. I only hope that this zero balance business never extends to my checking account.Capital One Credit Card Balance

P.S. – Yeah guys, I will definitely send you that $0 by the 27th.

Foreign Service Results

Last week I finally received my results from round two of the foreign service selection process – the Personal Narrative Questions. Once again, I failed to make the cut. Unfortunately, the State Department does not give explanations for why or how people do not make the cut.

In the rejection letter, it states:

“Please note that QEP scoring is not a pass/fail exercise nor is there a pre-set cut-off score. Rather candidates receive a relative ranking in their respective career tracks. The most highly competitive candidates in each career track are invited to the Oral Assessment based on our anticipated hiring needs. Foreign Service Officer hiring targets are adjusted annually. At present, a very large number of individuals are applying for a very limited number of Foreign Service Officer positions and the process is extremely competitive. There are numerous cases where individuals who received an invitation to the Oral Assessment in a previous year will not receive one in a current year.”

I do not know if I will take it again next year. I am not bummed about this, because I knew it was a long shot. I have other irons in the fire, as they say. It is one of the jobs, however, that closely fits my dream job.

FSOT & July the 4th

 

American FlagHappy Birthday to the United States of America! Today she is 239 years into her glorious existence. To those who gave her birth and those who now keep her free, Thank You & God Bless America

In related news, I just this week received my scores for the Foreign Service Officers Test (FSOT), which is the first step in a long process to work for the United States State Department. This was my third attempt. The first time in 2011 was successful, but last year I failed because of my low score on the essay section. This time I passed.

Last year:
Biographic Questionnaire: 42.65
English Expression: 59.56
Job Knowledge: 61.7
Multiple Choice Total: 163.91

Essay Score: 5

This year:
Biographic Questionnaire: 57.78
English Expression: 59.67
Job Knowledge: 56.43
Multiple Choice Total: 173.88

Essay Score: 8

As you can see, I did much better at the Biographic section with an increase of 15 points. In the English section, I barely budged – 0.11 points increase. I thought the English section was extremely easy and felt that I should have done much better in this category. The job knowledge section was a severe blow, because this is usually my highest area and for some reason I blew it. I decreased by over 5 points. I was going for a 180 total, but was unsuccessful.

To have your essay graded, you needed to score at least 154 on the multiple choice. I thought that my essay was pretty poor when I finished, but it looks like the ones giving the score had mercy on me. This was my actual best, since I scored a 7 on the one in 2011. (You need a 6 to pass to the next step.) I still don’t think it was that great, but I will take the victory. The next step is the Personal Narrative Questions (PNQs) which are due July 23rd.

Alex Boye – I Will Rise

My relationship with music has been on again off again for most of my life. I sing in church (poorly) but have little to do with it myself beyond that. At other times, I only listen to music to stave off boredom, sleep and the inevitable accident that results from those two in combination while driving. In times of depression or loneliness, however, music has done much to calm me and give me peace. I want to share one of these songs with you.

Enjoy!

Home After a Year and a Half – And Very Late, Part III.

While at home, I offered to pick up Jared and Tyler (John’s sons) from the corner while it was raining. This was on February 4th. Jared got into the front with no problem. As I was talking to Jared about his day, Tyler put his instrument case into the car. When he sat it down, it sounded like the car door, so I started going forward. Unfortunately, he was not in and I ran over his foot. While he turned out later to be okay, I felt horrible about it. For some reason, if I do hurt one of my brothers’ offspring, it is usually Tyler.

While I was in Walker, I was able to visit with several of my aunts and my uncle. I talked to my Aunt Marie and her husband, Uncle Wayne several times. I also visited my Aunt Madge. She was always my favorite, because she was closer in age to Mom and Jacob, her son, is one of my best friends (if not the best). In addition to visiting, I recorded an hour or more of interviews with them. I was not able to do the same for my Aunt Gene or Aunt Billie, but I plan on doing it soon. Eventually, I will transcribe it and place it in the genealogy section of this site.

On the 13th, I went up to Greensburg to look at their information. It was too much and I didn’t have enough money to get what I wanted. I did copy Joseph Clark’s probate record. He is my 4th great-grandfather. His daughter, Martha Elizabeth Clark, married first John Wilkins and then Michael Milton (son of the one in Part 1). I have documented a little of their history here on this blog.

While in Greensburg, I ran across something posted on Ancestry by another descendent of Martha. It was a sale in 1829 of an 11 month old slave by Martha and her husband John Wilkins to her brother for $125. I spent some time on the drive home trying to think on how to explain this horrible situation. The bill of sale did not give much detail. While I whole-heartedly oppose slavery in all its varieties, I tend not to judge these people. I also feel very little need to be ashamed of my ancestors as Ben Affleck did recently. In my family tree, there are heroes and villains alike, and many of whom are both. I try to understand them in their own context and setting, rather than my own.

Eventually, I had to return back to Beijing. I enjoyed eating the food of my hometown (thus gaining a few extra pounds in the bargain). I was able to see some of my friends, most of my family and even a few co-workers. I breathed in the fresh air and relaxed. To be honest, it was a great vacation.

Home After a Year and a Half – And Very Late, Part II.

A couple of things happened at home that were not pleasant. I found out from Dad that my cousin, Danny Fred, had been killed in a hit and run by a drunk driver in Rockland, Maine. He was the same age as me and had lived a difficult, but interesting life. I regret that I did not know him as well as I should. I think I may have talked to him once in the last twenty years. For example, I had no idea that he had children. The news story of his accident stated that he was walking on the side of the road with a friend and her daughter. Findagrave.com includes a very nice obituary for him.

Daniel Fred Cormier, 35, died tragically on the evening of January 30, after being struck in a hit and run car accident in downtown Rockland, Maine.

Daniel was born on August 29, 1979 in Augusta. He grew up in Alexander and was, as his brother Patrick described him, a “nomad” in adulthood, traveling throughout the country, touching lives and making friends everywhere he roamed. Living for extended periods in California, Florida and Pennsylvania in addition to Rockland, where he resided for the past several years.

As a boy and young man he showed surprising natural talents. As one friend recalled, Daniel as a fifth grader playing chess against a local competitive chess player visiting Alexander School and winning against the man not only once, but three straight times. Later, Daniel became a proficient self-taught guitar player.

He had a lifelong knack for making people laugh. Daniel’s green eyes would light up as he told jokes and enjoyed the jokes of others.

He is survived by his mother Mary and father Danny of Calais; brother Patrick of Alexander; sister Anita and nephew Austin of Portland; and his children including daughter Winter, 14, and son Christian, 3.

*Update: My cousin Patrick has a news story on Facebook where the man filed a motion for release due to police abuse. I know I need to forgive, but a part of me clings hard to old feelings of retribution.

In addition, an associate of John (my oldest brother), Timmy Garrison, was killed up in Wiggins, MS. He was the local distributor for Woodmizer, which is the brand of John’s woodmill. There was a lot of speculation on Facebook and other places online, but eventually they arrested the his wife, her purported lover, and the lover’s cousin who they hired to come up and kill him.

Here is his obituary. I met him one visit up there in the company of John while on some business. There are some messed up people in this world.

Home After a Year and a Half – And Very Late, Part I.

This post is about two months or so late. Any perusal of my blog would inform a person that I am not a proficient blogger. Yet, I am resolved to some improvement.

On January 14, I returned home to the US and was picked up by 2nd brother, Jason. It was glorious being home after a year and ½. Jason was and is going through some tough times, so I was happy to hang out with him. He was building a mobile tent platform on the top of a trailer. This was extensively for camping and traveling with his new Jeep. He has now fallen into that bottomless pit of Jeep owners, started by my cousin Jacob. I didn’t not have the heart to tell him that I hate camping. To me, it seems mainly consists of being hungry, cold and wet. These feelings are part of the reason I live in a city with 14 million people. However, I was happy to help him because I love him and that is what he is interested in. To be honest, though, neither one of us are competent carpenters. Ok, neither competent nor carpenters, which is why this project required repeated trips to Home Depot.

I also talked him into a trip to Baldwin Co., Alabama. I think we both had a good trip as we skirted around the east bank of the Tensas River, looking for the old homestead of our ancestor Michael Milton. We also went to Bay Minette where I picked up several documents that I had previously lost track of a couple of years before. One of these was a copy of a bill of sale from 1801. I was allowed to hold it in my hands, which was awesome but a little nerve-wracking. I had some copies made for our uncle, George Milton, as he had never seen these before. Uncle George has been the principle genealogist of the Milton family for over 50 years. I merely stand on the shoulders of a giant.

On Sunday the 18th, I drove Morgan’s car (Jason let me borrow it as she is away at school in Hawaii) to Doug’s house. It felt good to drive. I hung out with Doug (my 3rd brother) for a couple of days. We went to the genealogy section at the Jefferson Parish Library. I found a book there that lists a marriage document for Michael Milton at the Mobile Archdiocese Archives. I eventually paid $10 each for this and a baptism certificate for William and Adelaide Milton. We did have plans to drive out to S. Carolina to visit Jacob, but it did not come to pass due to a sickness and poor logistics on my part. Still, I was very happy to see Dougie. He told me he is planning to have a surgery sometime in the future, something that I much more hesitant about any surgery after the death of our Aunt Carol.

I then drove home to see Dad and John and other family members. On Friday the 23rd, I went up to Woodville, MS. I was researching my 5th great-grandparents, Barnabas and Margaret Hux Partin. I found quite a bit up there, including the marriage document of my 3rd great-grandparents, John and Emily Partin Moore. The courthouse was quite nice and I enjoyed the area, as it was my first time there.

About 4 or 5 days into the trip, I had to switch from the guest bedroom (my old room) to John’s travel trailer. The bed that Dad & Darlene (my stepmother) have in the guestroom killed my back, causing me to walk like an old man in need of a cane. Living in the trailer was frankly great, as I have come to greatly appreciate my privacy. Also, it allowed me to experience life in a small place. For the last couple of months, I had been watching Tiny House Nation on TV. I think that this movement to smaller space is something I would like to try out and the trailer gave me an opportunity.