Among the ancient Aztecs of what is now Mexico there was a belief that if the god Huitzilopochtli was not given strength through human sacrifice, the world would end as the god no longer had the power to hold back the sun. As each human was slaughtered, Huitzilopochtli was satisfied and all the world settled in its proper order. Today, my world was once more set in its proper order by the defeat of the Alabama Crimson Tide by my beloved LSU Tigers, 9-0. For another year, I was able to look upon the anguished faces of my enemies and taste the sweet flavor of their defeat. I rejoiced! Satan…I mean, Saban, was sent back to Hell…I mean, his locker room for another year to console his team, surrounded no doubt by downcast eyes and the occasional sniffle. Let them tears roll.

The game itself was too exciting for me. My blood pressure shot up through the roof and at one point thought I might have a heart attack. The LSU defensive plays by Mo Claiborne and Eric Reid were able to stop the drives of Alabama. What the game really settled on was field goals. Come on, Saban. You have the best defense in the country and a good offense, yet you cannot find a man to kick the damn ball. Glorious! Four missed field goals (one in OT) and a blocked one do not a National Championship team make. The gameball goes to Wing and Alleman for their golden feet.

Seriously, Alabama has a great team. If they had fixed their special teams issues, I would have been the one crying tonight. Oh well, them’s the brakes.